Strength to Make My Move

The other day, was walking at a park. Dimly lighted at most park. This was a park that can be use as shortcut route to my destination, in my mind (I am not sure whether can this lead to my destination at all, just a hunch). As the other two alternative route; safe route will take up a longer time to reach but longest route while the fastest route is dangerous as it requires walking along the highway with pavement to walk but this is the shortest route.

Thus, I took the shortcut route not knowing where the path will leads me. I took it anyway and kept walking forward. There are thoughts in my head telling me to turn back and take the safer route or the dangerous route as both are confirmed 100% will lead me to the destination.

Hesitation, doubts and fears are all around me as I walked deeper into the darkness with little light from the park lamps covered by the trees. I did not give in and kept moving till I saw the open area or the entrance to the park closest to the destination I am going to.

This short 10 minutes walk had made me realized that I should have hesitation, doubts and fears around me to give me strength not as hindrance for me to achieve what I wanted to achieve.

It's time to make my move.

Depression?

Out of nowhere, there is this feeling that struck me yesterday and it lingers on till now. The feeling of pathetic, uselessness, and all pessimistic thoughts had overtaken me.

No, I did not have a bad day at work, no argument with anyone at all, not involved in any accident/s or mishap.

The feelings is just not right at all... can't concentrate, can't be happy, can't laugh it out, can't even shake it out with a sleep.

Read some articles online regards to health issues, then came to the topic; depression. Does have all the symptoms stated that reflect what I am enduring now. OMG... Is this for real? Hard to say as I don't have the tendency to commit suicide yet. (Haha)

Oh well, I restarted writing in this blog again. Maybe I just need to express myself, my thoughts, my dilemmas, my dreams, my souls onto a platform. Not to show off or to get attention. A diary of mine.

Gotta smile and live life through with HAPPY thoughts. That might help to cure it! Maybe will get LGZ to go Snowflake... the dessert that always get me in better mood, tonight.

After reading back some of my backdated post; here is to update the phone that I am using:

After ditching X6, I went for Samsung Galaxy Ace.

Samsung Galaxy Ace

Then changes to Samsung Galaxy SII (Current)

           

                Samsung Galaxy SII

         















Well that's the update there. I do feel a little better now after spilling some juice out here. I guess I will need to start writing to express myself !!

Cheers,

Losing Focus

It's hard to make me focus these days... oh wait... It seems its more of an on-going thing for me. I do loose interest or should I say that I over grown my interest and focus too much on something too soon that it backfire to me as it makes me tired of it easily. Okay, that's say it all.

I don't know if it is a good thing or not. The only thing I know is, I am not happy the way it is going. 

On the way to work these few days, I don't turn on the radio or the player. I was just driving... listening to the sound of my beloved first transport... It's rather soothing to hear the rev of the car engine. I know it's working hard to transport me everyday to work and back. Yesterday, after finish listening to the modulator, while I was switching back to the FM radio, I came across the AM frequency station. I browse through the search and there are two station on air. However I have no idea what the heck were they talking about. It seems to be either in Thai language or Vietnamese?? No idea at all but it was fun. haha (I'm going crazy it seems....) . I also notice one thing, when I rev the engine, the frequency do goes with the revving of the  engine... weird but true... haha

Proton Saga: (My first beloved transportation)

It's a New Blogging session restart

It's been quite sometime ago that I logged in and started tying away my thoughts in a BLOG. What do I get when I turn my Blog page. I got 30 comments... all is spam or bot related comments. Blogger website should let me mark all and delete them all at once. Instead, I had to go through all the hassle to delete them one by one... which took me about half an hour to do so. ~Sigh~

So what is new with my life these days? Well, my addiction to mobile phones continue. Got myself a Nokia X6 8GB on last Saturday. This is what my phone looks like: (on the right). This is a good to touch and feel phone. Plus it is in BLUE (my favourite colour). 

Actually I started out my journey to Sg Wang in search for Sony Ericsson's new android phone: X10 Mini or Mini Pro. These two really capture my attention with the sleek and small and compact size. (Image below: X10 Mini Pro[left] & X10 Mini [right]).

Besides these two, I also have my eyes on Sony Ericssson Vivaz (left), HTC Wildfire (center) and Nokia C6 (right). The first can record video in HD... after a long thought, it's better to get a Video Camera... The second is from HTC, which sure has no problem with. However don't really like the interface it has... The latter, has a not so solid or comfortable feel especially the crack between the QWERTY keyboard and the screen. That's the only flaw for C6.

Oh my G, I have to admit. I am truly a super wasting money in the Mobile Phone area. Hahaha... 

Just to recap:

First: SE K300 (still with me, still can be operated, with lil malfunction on the joystick)

Second: SE W800 (My first and only walkman phone) RIP~cause: Drowned

Third: SE K550 (My first so-call Cybershot phone) RIP~cause: Kidnapped, never found

Fourth: SE Z710i (My first flip phone, still funtional, battery life unstable)

Fifth: SE G900i (My first touch screen / keypad phone, nothing great) Traded

Sixth: SE U100 Yari (My first slider phone, fun at first, slide is not a thing in long run) Traded

Seventh: Nokia X6 8GB (My first Nokia Phone and also my first FULL touch screen phone, enjoying it so far beside the WIFI problem I had earlier on) 

Life is that simple or is it complicated?

When I was younger, I thought that grown up have all the fun going here and there, working seems so fun as they get money. Things do look differently when I had grown up and started working. Sure it's fun at times, but work is work. It's never a real pleasure unless your the Boss. Sure I get money for what I do, but the money is hard earn reward for self. Used some here and there save up here, spend it there, pay here and there.

So it's a tough real world out there. Sometimes I wish I take back my wishes and hopes to grow up faster so that I could enjoy the moment of youth and childhood.

Other thing that messed up my life now is TIME, it's seemed that it's a little harder to handle time than money. Once time had slipped it slipped away forever and there is no way of finding the TIME back. Unlike money which can be earned thtough hard work. One day 24 hour don't really seemed enough... 7 days do sound long, but it's real short. 

Everything seems to be so... unsatisfied in my life now. I couldn't be there for anyone anymore. The time spent with loved ones are not enough as well. Is this what I had looked for before this? I don't recall of this. I wish to really manage my life back to a more productive self than one that only knows how to be depressed and complaining. I need actions not just whinning around. 

1) to save up as much money as I could. 

2) spend more time with loved ones.

3) excercise more

4) built up more confidence.

Haywire

Wow... it's sure a mad mad world out there to work in. Way too crazy. I need to adapt but I don't think I am adapting quick enough as I'm still hurting...  Is it myself who had overestimate my capability and also underestimate the load. Communication is vital yet it's hard to reach out to others that deny the rights to work together. 

While I am complaining here there goes another brick down the pond. I wonder over the times if this is meant to be or it's just too much for me to work it out. I wonder and ponder on. Maybe I am incompetent at all cases. Wow, how sorrowful this feels.

Why am I always feel this way. Maybe it's the surrounding where I am not suppose to belong is playing a big part here.  Guess I just can't complain that much now.  Got to  head on this road with courage and the willingness to overcome my fears and problems. Hopefully in time, I could be competent enough to withhold my head up high. 

On a happier note... there is no happier note now. 

The lost joy

I was pretty amazed by what my friends had in store as a day out for swimming. I had not been treating myself pleasantly lately or for a long time. I was living in a life of denial of joy without realising it. It sure did me a good or should I say great favour in return after the swimming. I realize that life ain't just about studies and assignments after all. I really should have let go of myself sometimes in order to really enjoy life. As one of my friend said, "Those that say enjoy life as you are still young" is for those that had regreted their past. I would not like to go through that if I could. Being in this stage of life, I am at a cross-road which will determine my life ahead.

A decision that could shape or break me. I wish I could find someone to have a peace of my mind. Sadly, I don't have anyone to talk to. No parents, siblings, relatives, friends, or anyone that I could really talk to. I really envy those people that had those close-knitted friends where each of them knows everything about the other vice-versa. I long for that kind of friendship or relationship. I just couldn't find it or maybe it's my own fault as well. I might have the tendency to repel anyone that got too close or anyone into my cold creepy world.

Maybe I'm just being too overly concerned about how everyone thinks of me that I shut out people from knowing who I really am or what I am. OR maybe I was too lost in my own identity that I could not even tell others who or what I am since I had totally no idea what it is.

All these questions does play in my mind for too long and it clouded my sight. I might not have found what I had been looking for but that does not and should not have hindered me from getting a pleasure to enjoy my life. Sometimes I do hate myself for being too overly conscious about the whole idea. I mean I had tonnes of questions and tonnes of "what if"s in my mind. This might have clogged my judgemental ability as well.

Going to my final trimester (as my University called it now), I found a feeling like Fear playing in my mind as well. I was having doubts about everything and I also have totally lost my way sometime when I think of the future. I got so directionless as what AM I doing here? NOw? LAter? I'm totally a mess and really could get some help.

I was also got a shocker as people started telling me that I'm getting bigger. I know of that as well. I did not know that my appearance also had change so much that people started noticing. I'm feeling a little insecure and angry at myself for not staying in control and I just wish I could make this feeling go away. I guess it is here to stay and I will have to deal with it whether I like it or not. I really wish I could get in shape once again.

Conclusion:

My life is in a state of messiness and I really should sort things out before I really do anything serious. I should loosen up my uptightness and learn to let go. I need to spread my wings of joy and enjoy the moment before I start regreting.

Happy Chinese NIU Year!!!

Yes it's the year of the OX ~ I'm getting old... Well that's the fact and I know no one will want to admit that because it's a sad case.

I have not been getting into the blogging here because I'm quite tied up with stuffs. I will blog about the stuff I did during my holiday soon. Plus, the Chinese Niu Year's gathering stuffs and I'll even talk more on the latest production going on in my studies in the next blog.

I just wanted to make a shout out here because I'm feeling a little scare... well make it a lot of horrifying images flying on my head and I think I will explode soon. Therefore I want confide in this blog.

Being appointed to be the LEaD in the final semester's biggest challenge is so far my biggest fear of all. I had never lead that much of people before let alone myself. I'm now just hoping I could breakthrough my own fear and carry out my duty as professionally as it could be.

I'm also honoured at the same time as the whole group push the decision onto me. (or is it the opposite > no one wants to bear the burden on their shoulders so, they sling it onto me)

Well, whatever the reasons it might be, I will not let myself or anyone else down. NOw I'm running against the odds and time to make something out of thin air into some good planning and somewhat special program.

Love~Peace~Harmony

New tune for my old sense

Britney Spears is back and in full force?!?

Well at least her first single off her sixth album, Womanizer proved to be a success when it topped the US Billboard in style. The single broke the record by jumping from 96-1 and it's the biggest jump in history. 2nd December 2008 also mark as her birthday and the launching of her sixth studio album, CIRCUS. However as history repeated itself, the album did get leak (as usual) in the internet. Nevertheless, I'll be hoping to get the album since I kind of shove her last album (Blackout) away.

I had been a fan since her first debut as the teenage-bubblegum-pop tune Baby One More Time. I got all her album since then except her Blackout album (which I will get it one day... hopefully soon).

Britney's success got recognition from the music industry of all area;
1) Britney received 3 awards at the MTV Music Video Awards 2008 (previously, she had been
nominated for more than 20 times with no win).
2) Two awards at the MTV Europe Music Awards 2008.
3) A Bambi Award (pic below) where she also perform the song Womanizer.

Well I do wish that she could regain her supremacy and maybe outshine other pop princess to crown herself the QUEEN OF POP one day in the future!!!

On-going female powerhouse (Vocally) !!!
Celine Dion

Celine Dion who shot to greater fame after the Titanic sank, still goes strong now. She had move on to a more up-beat/pop tune. I do like it all the way! With her release of One Heart and taking Chances, I fall in love with her voice once again. Her latest single, My Love is enough to melt my heart and ears. The song is slow and steady plus it has one of her trademark vocal thing going on. I JUST LOVE IT!!!

Madonna

Another icon form the 80s, Madonna had reinvented herself according to the era. She not only reinvent herself she is also a fashion Icon. Her music, on the other hand is turning into more disc-dance/pop-dance type. It's not that bad considering that the tune is catchy. Her latest offering is Give It To Me. Not a bad tune.

Mariah Carey

Okay, she got the funny voice there and yet she is famous for it and makes gazillion out of it!!!
Her latest album, E=MC² provides some of the most sexy tune like Touch My Body. Her latest single to hit the charts is I'll be loving U long time which is a upbeat hip hop tune.

YOUNG AND POWERFUL

The following female singers are getting the lime lights now:

Taylor Swift

The sweet country pop singer is turning all the boys head as she walks down the road. Her secod and latest album entitled Fearless has already churn out hit song Love Story and the music video I must say is totally fantastically fantasy!!!

Rihanna

Rihanna really owns the dance floor and the upbeat market. Her songs:
1) Pon de Replay (US Billboard HOT100 #2)
2) S.O.S (US Billboard HOT100 #1)
3) Umbrella (US Billboard HOT100 #1)
4) Don't stop the music (US Billboard HOT100 #3)
5) Disturbia (US Billboard HOT100 #1)

Her slow number are amazing as well:
1) Unfaithful (US Billboard HOT100 #6)
2) Take a bow (US Billboard HOT100 #1)

She is fast becoming Mariah Carey with the number of number ones that she already have. Her latest offering Rehab is quite a nice one.

Natasha Bedingfield

Natasha Bedingfield has success in the UK with These Words reaching number 1 in 2004. Her latest effort is Angel which is something quite different from her other songs.

Leona Lewis

Breaking into the UK and US market with such a great style. Her debut single Bleeding Love has stormed the world. Her latest single is Forgive Me which is an upbeat song.

Katy Perry

A phenomenal success for the youngster. Her unconventional or rather appealing dress code sure brought enough attention to her. Her debut single I Kissed A Girl provided Perry her first worldwide smash!!! Her latest song is titled Hot N' Cold. The song is quite funky and easy to sing-along (oops, yeah I did sing along to it). It's just pure infectious.

Jordin Sparks

The latest addition of the American Idol 2007. She had provided us with Tattoo and also a duet with Chris Brown, No Air. Her latest song is called One Step At A Time. The song is once again infectious to the ear drums that make me want to listen to it over and over again. Now, Ijust hope she don't dim out her sparks like Kelly Clarkson did.

Beyonce

She has the voice of the Diva. She already has a few dozen hits while with the group Destiny's Child. Like Rihanna, Beyonce has 4 US number hits so far and counting. Her latest release are

If I Were A Boy and Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) are storming the charts now as I am typing here. The first one is just one of the song that really show that she could really power her voice like a DIVA. The latter is a upbeat song that shows that she could do a fast number as well.

With so many young and talented singers emerging every minute, it's hard to stay in the limelight for long like what the On-Going Powerhouse did.



Here is a look at other GREAT musician other than female singers.

The Killers

They have a new album titled Day & Age, the first single is Human which sounded unlike other songs in the market right now. They are famous for those unlikely hit songs;

• Somebody Told Me (2004)
  
• Mr Brightside (2004)
• When We Were Young (2006)
• Read My Mind (2007)

Secondhand Serenade

The solo rock vocalist, John Vesely is Secondhand Serenade. With the imfamous tune Fall For You, I had fallen for that tune as it is stuck in my brain all these time.

Metro Station

The single Shake It really makes me shake it. The following single is called Seventeen Forever. How I wish I could...

McFly

The UK Pop Punk band. Their catchy songs sure did captures my attention. I still could not forget the cover Don't Stop Me Now still rings in my head. Their latest single is called Do Ya
. I had watched the music video and it's quite a killer as it features the Zombies... I mean those flesh eating zombies...

Coldplay

They are going stronger and stronger album after album:

• Parachutes (2000), 7x Platinum & #1 (UK)
• A Rush Of Blood To The Head (2002), 8x Platinum & #1 (UK)
• XY (2005), 8x Platinum & #1 (UK)
• Viva La Vida / Death And All His Friends (2008), 3x Platinum & #1 (UK)

The latest song Lost! is pretty solid in the music and lyrics. I just can't get enough of their song.

Kevin Rudolf

Out of nowhere comes Kevin Rudolf and his first single is like a drug. Let It Rock makes me addictive (wait a minute, I'm kind of additive towards lot of songs...). The song is Great plus the music video is Awesome as well.

David Cook

I was amazed on how a Mariah Carey's song (Always be my baby) could sound so manly yet soothing to the ears when he sang that song in the American Idol. His latest is Light On which still provides the husky and manly song but just not as good as the previous. It's still nice though.

Daniel Powter

He got famous because of American Idol??? Nope, he's not the contestant but his song Bad Day was featured in the American Idol season 5. It's also gave him his first number 1 in US. His latest album Under The Radar provide a easy tuning first single Next Plane Home.


Now about the Groups:

Pussycat Dolls

The pussies return to the music with a bang? Not really. The PCD has lost most of their sexiness The first single When I Grow Up from their second album Doll Domination just fall off the radar. The latest single from it I Hate This Part is not that bad. Well with or without a top ten hits, the songs from the pussies are still attractive to me especially their music video. I think personally that Nicole is getting way too much vocal that leaves me a point to wonder, is the group supposed to be called Nicole & The Pussycat Dolls???

New Kids On The Block

Oh boy! My once upon a time favaourite boy band from the 80s is back? For how long... that's another question. Their songs are just mediocre. Well just as the US market lacks the Boyband Power, here comes NKOTB. Their Single song is ok as it puts in a little touch of hip-hop in it. Maybe it's because the song features Ne-Yo.


Well that's it about my music senses. As anyone could guess, my type of music is just simple as P-O-P or any easy listening tune or some catchy ones. There are many more singers or bands that I ppersonally liked. Hey, this is just a blog... I can't put my whole life's liking into it... It will take me ages to finish it as I took 1 day to write this whole blog... well with some time off to the washroom and out for lunch and breakie.

Well 2008 is coming to an end. Hope 2009 will brings in more GREAT music!!!

My craving this instance

Recently, I had fallen into an obsession toward anime and also reality series once again.


The Anime: Soul Eater


Directed by Takuya Agarashi

Story: About the world of the meister and their "weapon". The story revolves around 3 main characters who are Maya, Kid and Black Star in the city called Shi-Bu-Sen.

A great anime that features a punch of laughter and annoying sequence at times.



The Anime: Gundam 00 Second Season


Directed by Seiji Mizushima.

Story: Continuing the intervention from the last season is the group that called themselves Celestial Being. This time, the Celestial Being faces bigger and tougher enemies from the A-LAWS. I just kind of interested in the story of the first season.













The Reality Show: The Amazing Race Asia 3


This is the third instalment of the The Amazing Race for the Asian region. I just could not miss it.

Further more, this Thursday, 20 November 2008 is the season finale episode. I just wish I could go back to my home and watch it over ASTRO channel 701 AXN. I guess I just have to wait till weekend arrives before i could catch the replay of the episode.





Team Malaysia Mums (Ida and Tania) heads towards the last pit-stop first. I really wish they could pull it through.

They are just so lucky and hard-working in earning the spot.







Geoff and Tisha from the Philippines are in the second spot. the couple that seems to be a combination of Yin-and-Yang.









Best buddies, Vince and Sam from Hong Kong made it through the final three ahead of AD and Fuzzie after they are penalised for four hours where AD and Fuzzie had a penalty d four and a half hours.







The other Malaysia team got knocked off in the fifth place (Henry and Bernie). Too bad, can't see two Malaysian teams in the final.

So who will win? Chances are really up for anyone. However through the statistic of the three seasons, Malaysian team looks promising. Same goes to the Hong Kong and Philippines.

1ST TARA

Winner: Zabrina & JoeJer (Malaysia)

1ST Runner-Up:

Sandy & Francesca (Hong Kong)

2ND Runner-Up: Andrew & Syeon (Malaysia)

2ND TARA

Winner: Adrian & Collin (Singapore)

1ST Runner-Up:

Pamela & Vanessa (Malaysia)

2ND Runner-Up: Marc & Rovilson (Philippines)









The Series: Heroes Season 3

Created by Tim Kring.

Story: About people who had super abilities. In this season named "Villains", a lot of characters that appeared in the first two seasons had somehow a 180 degrees turn-around to their role in the show. That means the good guys turn bad while the bad guys turn good. However not every case is like that.

The show features the-world-most-loving-brothers Nathan and Peter Petrelli (Milo Ventimiglia & Adrian Pasdar). If they are not brothers (in the show) I doubt that they might as well become lovers... I smell BrokeBack Heroes??

Or maybe it's my little off-stray mind misread what happens when both appear in the screen. Hmmm... maybe that's another plot? Who knows? Since Nathan is not a natural with his abilities.


Another odd couple is Maya and Dr. Mohinder Suresh (Dania Ramirez & Sendhil Ramamurthy). Maya with the ability to cause chaos (plague) to her surrounding wanted to lose her ability while Mohinder wants to try having one.

Ali Larter who plays Nikki/Jessica Sanders in the first two season return in third season playing Tracy Strauss. Instead of having super strength, she now had the ability to freeze things into solid ice. Plus, her ability is also not of natural, she was injected. There is also a third Ali Larter character in the show as well since there are suppose to have a triplet. Wonders what the third have?

Well, that's most of the shows that I'm keeping my eyes on for now.